Qυеѕtіοח bу Reading аחԁ Answering Yουr Q': Marriage advice!?
Arе tһеrе people tһаt саח give уου both emotional issues advice AND financial advice wһеח уου′re married? I know tһеrе аrе therapist fοr marriage counselling аחԁ financial advisors bυt wһаt аbουt something fοr ALL marital problems?
Sadly, mу hubby аחԁ I һаνе problems іח all aspects іח ουr lives……..
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I аm open tο advice frοm anyone. Hοwеνеr, please understand separation οr divorce wουƖԁ bе a last resort under extreme circumstances. I аm חοt looking fοr аח easy way out. Compromise іѕ раrt οf tһе commitment I signed up fοr.
Best аחѕwеr:
Aחѕwеr bу thinkofasong
I wουƖԁ ѕау tһаt іf уου саח seek out a therapist аחԁ mention tһаt уου аrе having financial issues, tһеу ѕһουƖԁ bе more tһаח capable/willing tο һеƖр уου work through those аѕ well. I wouldn’t tһіחk уου wουƖԁ need a separate financial person tο һеƖр.
Oftеח times іf уου ɡеt аt tһе root problems іח уουr relationship, ѕοmе οf tһе οtһеr problems work themselves out.
Gοοԁ luck.
Add уουr οwח аחѕwеr іח tһе comments!
Yes, there are such people. What, in your view, are your major problems? Would you both agree on the list of problems?
how long have you guys been married? any kids?
talk to each other about things. if you cant talk to each other go find someone that you both can talk to.
good luck
Gather all your bills and income receipts and go to your local affiliate of Consumer Credit Counseling that is affiliated with the United Way. Go only to them – the others will scam you. My hubby and I did that years ago, and paid off several thousand dollars in only 2 years. They are able to negotiate for you, and you pay them one amount, which they pay the bills with for you, instead of you paying a bunch of other little bills that barely make a dent. They get the interest knocked off so you are paying the principal. This will take a lot of stress off your marriage. Then call your local crisis line and ask for couseling services that operate on a sliding fee scale. There may be a family and childrens service in your area. If there is a medical school in your area, they probably offer these services on a sliding scale. If you have health ins., it may cover counseling. Good luck!
How about something i recently discovered- the Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle- its brilliant. I wish i had discovered advice like that when i first married 25 years ago- oh how different my life would have been. They do courses in both America and here in the UK but you can get advice from the website and the book- http://www.surrenderedwife.com/- its really not as corny as it sounds and its not as 1950s as it sounds- its about empowering your husband and letting him take more responsibility. It doesn’t make you any less of a person but certainly a better wife and your husband feels better about learning to take the responsibility in the first place. I think if you wanted to go down the counselling route relate would help you resolve your financial issues too- often our problems are inextricably linked. I know a lot of mine and my first hubbys problems all lie in the frustration of our financial situation and his unwillingness to take control of them. I was then left to sort them and got into a mess, then he would get angry with me and we would argue- this then raised other issues- it was a vicious circle- if only i had Laura Doyles advice then i think it could have all been different.
Best of luck. Email me if you want to know more.
Libs.
I separated from my husband of 10 years in October. I didn’t MEAN to separate from him…I just meant to leave him for a few days to point out to him that he is verbally and financially abusive. I understand a lot of people don’t know what these terms mean – I have been to a Women’s shelter and learned their definitions….verbal abuse is anytime one partner uses words to call down their partner; make them feel useless and helpless and insignificant compared to themselves. They use words to make the other person feel like an idiot all the time and like their contribution to the household does not matter…they don’t matter. Financial abuse is when one partner does most of the bill paying while the other person hoards their money in a bank account they keep for themselves. One person gets lot of toys and can spend whatever they want…other person gets nothing. Is that what you meant by problems in all aspects?
Anyway, when I left my husband, I only meant to point these things out to him. I was sure he’d say, “OMG…I had no idea. I’m really sorry.” Instead, he cheated on me after 1 month of separation, closed our joint account, and left me for another woman. He had my belongings out of the house within 1 1/2 months and is currently fighting me for 50% custody of our 3 year old and our unborn child.
YOU MUST NIP THIS IN THE BUD NOW!!!! If you do not, you will head for divorce too! Get yourself into counselling first and find your resources. I found resources through my family doctor. He referred me to a good marriage counsellor, who in turn referred me to a Women’s shelter (for information only at first). I talked to people; relayed my story to see if it was just me or if something was really bad in my marriage. I got advice on how to fight back without taking his abusive words and I learned techniques on how to avoid conflict without being walked on.
Sadly, I did not do it fast enough and my marriage is in the process of being ended. I will have this new baby by myself and I will have to face my bitter husband in court to settle custody of our other child. You need to seek out the resources that can help you NOW and act on them immediately. The other thing I would have done differently is point it out to my hubby immediately. Sit him down (maybe with a family friend that you both trust there) and tell him, “Look…we have problems and if we don’t settle them, our marriage is going to be in trouble…” Be honest with him. Tell him how he makes you feel and ask him what you need to work on. GET INTO COUNSELLING ASAP!!!
Good luck to you. I hope it’s not too late for you. Know that if it turns sour, there are also resources out there that will help. Good luck.